Player Profiles

[European Bob]

Lets see how others rate you as a player or just perceive what you'd be like as a player.

The rules:

1. Anyone from C&B can write a player profile even if they're not part of the C&B FC team.

2. you don't even have to have seen the person you're writing the profile about play football (encourages the funny ones about people you might not have even met)

3. you can't write a profile for yourself, it has to be done by someone else

4. if someone else has done a profile for your intended player/member then you can still do one

5. it doesn't have to be serious, but some serious ones would be good

I'm a little busy at work at the moment so can't write one myself but will have a go later. and Mattykins i'm writing it about you!

[Rambo]

Stats:

Height: 5"8 ish
Weight: 15 stone-ish
Build: Incredible Hulk
Gerth: Width of a 330ml Coke Can
Distinguishing features: Ape like, hairy features

Star qualities: Off the ball running, creating space, scaring the opposition with his neanderthol features

Likes: Positive Mental Attitude
Hates: Laziness on the pitch

[king billy]

I'm off to pick the kit up this afternoon so won't have time myself either - alas - but rest assured i'll be doing the profile on you Booshie - so behave.....tup: :D

[Yeadon Bantam]

Rambo:

Name- Gazzybums, Rambo, Boy George

Squad number- 0

Height- 2" 1

Age- 20 something

Weight- 3stone

Likes- Bloaters
Dislikes- Decent Women :D

Good points at football: Decent defender, good alround player
Bad: Thinks he is somekind of superhuman god

Score: Good Mate, keeps me company when we lose Matt!! Also has an eye for free porn channels!

[European Bob]

Stats:

Name: King Billy
Real Name: Mattycakes or Wrosemaire
Nickname: The Flying Pig

Height: 5"4 ish
Weight: No scale has been invented yet that can hold such a mass
Build: he will say bad metabolism, we all say, like a barrel
Gerth: not had the errm pleasure, ask aide
Distinguishing features: hair cut from 1998, hair dye from god knows where, the whitest girls trainers you ever did see and the most padding any one man can wear.

Star qualities: good reactions, athletic when needed (i didn't believe it either until i saw it), a real shot stopper.

Profile: KB will tell you that he used to be a good footballer when he was young however, no records exist proving such claims. Having never been seen outside a goalkeeping role, one wonders if he has ever actually kicked a ball in a competitive game. although outfield credentials are sketchy at best, what cannot be contended is an unrivalled passion and proficiency between the sticks. One of the best 5-a-side keepers i've seen in recent years, KB often fools the opposition into thinking they have a chance at scoring a goal.

Likes: cake, fags, midgets
Hates: shots from anywhere further than 3 feet
Quote: "i love short people" and "fancy a pre-match pint" and "lets not get complacent now"

[king billy]

Name- BULL(shit)BANTAM

Squad number- hasn't got one

Height- around 5'9"

Age- 21 but acts like he's 14

Weight- same as his age (his real age - not the age he acts :eek:)

Likes- crying, attention seeking, sulking and posting bizarre stuff about his personal life
Dislikes- acting like a man

Good points at football: ermmm ermmm ermmm ermmm - he can stop other players if he stands in their way
Bad: Thinks he's good enough to get in the squad, can't get a lift down so can't play anyway - and still owes me his subs from the one and only game he managed to play

Score: Good kid really - needs to get a grip, stop sulking and grow up tup:

[king billy]

Stats:

Name: King Billy
Real Name: Mattycakes or Wrosemaire
Nickname: The Flying Pig

Height: 5"4 ish
Weight: No scale has been invented yet that can hold such a mass
Build: he will say bad metabolism, we all say, like a barrel
Gerth: not had the errm pleasure, ask aide
Distinguishing features: hair cut from 1998, hair dye from god knows where, the whitest girls trainers you ever did see and the most padding any one man can wear.

Star qualities: good reactions, athletic when needed (i didn't believe it either until i saw it), a real shot stopper.

Profile: KB will tell you that he used to be a good footballer when he was young however, no records exist proving such claims. Having never been seen outside a goalkeeping role, one wonders if he has ever actually kicked a ball in a competitive game. although outfield credentials are sketchy at best, what cannot be conted is an unrivalled passion and proficiency between the sticks. One of the best 5-a-side keepers i've seen in recent years, KB often fools the opposition into thinking they have a chance at scoring a goal.

Likes: cake, fags, midgets
Hates: shots from anywhere further than 3 feet
Quote: "i love short people" and "fancy a pre-match pint" and "lets not get complacent now"

roflmao: roflmao: roflmao: clap: clap:

[Yeadon Bantam]

Quality :D

[European Bob]

Name: Rambo
Real Name: Robin or Gaz
Nickname: Gazzyboo

Height: 5"4 ish
Weight: slightly less than the earthquake (WWF)
Build: like a black lady (all that ass inside them jeans)
Gerth: cucumber
Distinguishing features: complexion like 12 year old, evil eyes, gary neville tash

Star qualities: very skilful, good vision, a good passer of the ball.

Profile: Rambo has grown up with football from a very early age and always has to my mind played in a team whether it be 11 or 5 a side. Lately lacking motivation for the beautiful game but attempting to get back that enthusiasm, Rambo has never been what you would call the fittest or fastest player but excels in holding up the ball and playing the perfect pass. rambo and pirates have very much in common both having only one good foot.

Likes: alcohol in any form, fags, cigarettes, fat women
Hates: shooting with power, using his right foot, running
Quote: "ref how come there was no mention of my man of the match award" and "i thought you were allowed to slide in 5-a-side" and "i was running as fast as i can"

[Rambo]

I THANK YOU!!!


jump: jump: jump: jump:

[king billy]

Build: like a black lady (all that ass inside them jeans)
Distinguishing features: complexion like 12 year old, evil eyes, gary neville tash

That is so accurate its scary.....jawdrop:

[king billy]

Stats:

Name: The Mighty Booshie
Real Name: Gaz Coombes
Nickname: Smites or "monkey boy"

Height: 5"11 ish
Weight: Judging by his large frame about 14/15 stones
Build: Freakishly strange build, large but not really flabby - nor muscular - built a bit like a wierd looking swimmer, but not as fit or muscular....
Gerth: Can imagine a babys arm holding an apple down there - just a pity it doesn't get much use!
Distinguishing features: previously had the classical Gaz Coombes hairdo, this has since been "teeny-boppered-up" to a MacFly or Busted style "do's"....Booshies body hair makes Richard Keys look like the Prawn King...

Star qualities: For his freakishly strange build can actually get around the pitch well....he looks like the worlds unfittest man but appearances can be deceptive!

Profile: Booshie looks like the quintisential type of person who got into footy after Euro 96, however his knowledge and play appear to dispute this, his "style" (PMSL) lend thereselves towards booshie being a "band type" - this however soon becomes laughable when you discover his musical taste ;).
Known to arrive home in his suit, overcoat and shoes then to lie on the sofa and remain that way until the morning - known also to like black pepper on toast and other student type meals. Cleanliness around the home and general hygeine aren't at the top of the priority list for Booshie, look in the britannic encyclopedia and under the words "foist" and "fester" there are pictures of both the sofa which he frequents and his bed!!

Likes: Taking the piss out of folk who like "bloaters"
Hates: Bloaters
Quote: "I'm not going in the fookin oddys again"

[European Bob]

jump: tup: jump: PMSL Quality tup:

[Yeadon Bantam]

The Prawn King

Name- Mark jackson
Alias- Prawny, Baldy, Chav, Gimp, owt anyone can muster together?
Job for C&B FC- Too shit and unfit to get into the team he resides on the side of the pitch to watch, claims to be "HARD" but the only way he will ever be hard is by watching one of his "Syndrome Stars" pornographic DVD's. He also jumps ship and hides at the first sign of it kickin off.
Known best for- Being a scapegoat and taking the most shit in one week of anyone else on the whole boards.
Resides- Poshest house in the swaine house estate
Has been known to bring his own beer to bars and his own little gay bag of limes.

[European Bob]

The Prawn King

Name- Mark jackson
Alias- Prawny, Baldy, Chav, Gimp, owt anyone can muster together?
Job for C&B FC- Too shit and unfit to get into the team he resides on the side of the pitch to watch, claims to be "HARD" but the only way he will ever be hard is by watching one of his "Syndrome Stars" pornographic DVD's. He also jumps ship and hides at the first sign of it kickin off.
Known best for- Being a scapegoat and taking the most shit in one week of anyone else on the whole boards.
Resides- Poshest house in the swaine house estate
Has been known to bring his own beer to bars and his own little gay bag of limes.

that's a bit harsh isn’t it? not what i would call light hearted banter more like scathing criticism. you need to lighten up.

[Edwin Fitzgerald]

Name: Jantje Simoen
Real name: Ian
Position: Left Back
Any Good: in a word, no. He keeps saying he's done his knees in, but this is just an excuse to cover up the fact that he's just not very good.
Known best for: Being a mod, suceeding spectacularly as a father, and finally... not replying with a sarcastic profile of me.

[Garlic Breath]

If one gives it one has to take it Booshie old stick.
Like water of me bald napper to be truthfull.tup:

[Yeadon Bantam]

If one gives it one has to take it Booshie old stick.
Like water of me bald napper to be truthfull.tup:

I take as much as i give tup:

[Tarty]

I take as much as i give tup:

You do know that someone will comment on that quote.......I will leave it to the others

[Superfatbantam]

Yep he takes the piss and he definitely does give a shit!